Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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