I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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