We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize