Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
