I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
