I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
