He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I skipped work to stalk him.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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