it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
