After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
