id be glad to
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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