Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
two words...techno handjob
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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