Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
