So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
