That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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