Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
