Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
