The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize