He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
