y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
