He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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