I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
