Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize