Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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