She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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