Betty ford says i'm here all night
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
