you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize