she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
