Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
