I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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