I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
