it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
