I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
