Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
