Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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