a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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