omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
