life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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