I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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