I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
