She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize