do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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