he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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