I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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