Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
