Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
