My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
