you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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