I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
