Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
