Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
