If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize