I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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