New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
