I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i think i just lost a toe
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
