hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
