she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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