Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
