We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
