maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
