Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
