I'm pants shitting drunk right now
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
