I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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