I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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