she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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