i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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