He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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