it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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