Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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