Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
