Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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