Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
