It's Friday. Sex?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
