I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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