Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
