All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
