Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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