weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
