I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
