my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
