every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
