He is an equal opportunity slut.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
