this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
