I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
