We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
